Temperamental despair

The sun might as well

have never went down

it’s upsetting

that the sun’s still setting

we need the rain

to cry with again

it might as well

never come back up

take me somewhere

I’ll forget the sun’s still shining.

~

SJL

Unknown sunny day

Obeying the devil

I weep

longing to be free

but my tears fall

when I disappoint the devil.

~

SJL 5/7/21

Expensive sunlight

The sun is shining

but at what expense?

We’re all elsewhere

inside our heads.

~

SJL 5/7/21

Alone,

Stuck in the collective past,

she longs for what passed her by,

for what she ran away from,

she looks for in the future-torn past,

alone,

excluded from the inertia of loneliness,

mastered, organised, systematic

loneliness, developed

through the prosperity of the nation,

fabricated to the utmost convenience,

time-, money-, energy-, life-saving,

luxurious loneliness, developed

through the austerity of the nation

alone,

stuck in the collective past,

she withers, the last reminder of our

mortality, spent beyond extinction,

while intimidatingly she’s alive

and cries through dry eyes

for anything but our perfected lies.

~

SJL

29/03/21

The Very city

The Very city where I belong

is one I’ve prohibited myself from

no matter how much I may long,

it will always appear wrong

to turn myself into those

whose hurt has been so strong.

~

SJL 09/11/20

Vita avanzata

Strappata dalla colpa incessante

dal vento e il gusto

delle lacrime del cielo, concesse

senza dolore, solo quel

salato sapore

scaquata dall’aridità del mio umore.

~

Tutto esanime, sempre

di giorno e di notte,

poca vita, tanta solitudine in ogni

altalena che dondola nel vento e nel buio.

~

Ogni piccola via vuota illuminata dalle gocce

feroci di pioggia, gli alberi

di cui il verde si vede

ancora, il cimitero poco spevantoso,

mi inquieta solo pensare al suo

lato più scuro.

Sono le diciannove e trenta, ma questa via ora mi spaventa.

~

Meravigliosa insomma,

questa pioggia che rende tutto il disordine

e le lacrime non piante semplici parti della natura

questo silenzio spaccante organico, quasi romantico,

mi aiuta non interrogarlo o riempirlo

coi miei pensieri rinsecchiti.

~

Giornate sopravissute, tutte,

vissute, o magari godute non ne sono,

giorni inconvenienti, ore sbrigate

giornate d’intralcio, giornate di una vita insufficiente,

sprecata

~

Giornate scorse senza smettere di essere

soli, spogliate dalla compagnia

questi occhi senza incontri,

attacati agli schermi, abandonati i corpi,

la pelle e le ossa, e un cervello che appartiene

altrove, corpi schiavi all’inerzia

senza limiti, sofferto da coloro a cui l’allegria

non è riservata.

~

Fuori nella città buia inodora

ci sono gli avanzi di vita.

~

SJL 19/10/20

Game over

I watch the misery like it’s on television

but there’s nothing entertaining

about something so crudely real

or the delusion of being exempt from it.

~

I try to convince myself it’s a channel;

that misery only appears when you’re miserable,

but I can’t find the control.

~

Crowds of people walk alone,

crowded by their solitude, much like I am mine.

~

Hopefully there remains some hope in them,

but this city’s drained of joy,

its people are forgetting one another’s smiles.

~

Glasgow’s grime is only fun when you’re clean,

this awakened city’s always been drowsy,

if you can call it a city and not a game

I’m tired of playing.

~

Glasgow, Glasgow, Glasgow…

I’ll never be enough for you.

~

SJL 04/09/20

The dimension of sadness

I used to see things in 2D

now dimensions cut skin deep.

~

Enjoying happiness like it was a given,

I now endure this sadness like it’s fresh.

If I’d suffered since the beginning,

I’d be currently withering at my limits

~

in the trauma of this nation,

negligent of aspirations,

rebellious against sanity,

and bare of any principles.

~

So, if I walk away from it all, does it cease?

Does everything disappear

if from my sight it’s clear?

~

All I see is through my eyes,

I have no idea of what’s not here.

But, when I turn back

and see the damage in my absence,

will I ever be able to return to indifference?

~

I have nowhere to run to if I’m running from myself,

and from relationships

contaminated by this sadness,

that demands acknowledgement.

~

I now understand why some pretend it’s not there,

keeping their words sanitised of emotion,

enjoying the oblivion

of living life like it’s fiction.

But we all have a responsibility to smile,

so is it irresponsibility

that makes sadness so difficult to resist?

~

Hell could be anywhere, hell could be here,

or this could be heaven to those who know fear.

~

SJL 18/08/20

Day and night

Stop, your kindness is scaring me

if only you knew,

sad people are just decorations

but not for the streets,

just an amalgamation of manipulation,

I always knew.

~

We think what’s good’s a miracle,

and what’s bad’s a curse

well we’re wrong.

~

I dream of having a sister

who dreams of having a sister.

I’m anxious, yesterday I started caring

why is caring so scary?

~

Be human, human being,

don’t let things scare you so much.

Well I’d rather be scared than feel nothing.

We feel so we don’t hurt ourselves, don’t we?

But we hurt because we feel.

~

The city feels abandoned

so do I.

It feels empty

or full of strangers,

what’s the difference?

It feels brand new

I feel relieved.

Tomorrow’s our first one without you.

~

If I didn’t feel like such a failure,

I wouldn’t have gotten where I am.

I long for hibernation,

this whole day and night thing’s gone too far.

~

SJL 01/07/20

Advancing into old age

The future may seem

like a romantic vacation from the present,

but once departed

from this deadly inspiration-less place

there’s no coming back.

~

Every day I lose control,

and as I enter the night,

I’m dropped into new desires,

cleansed from disfunction.

~

When I wake up, I stand as tall as I can fall,

to catch me will always be my self-hatred.

The rest may have left

but I’ll always be here to hate myself.

~

We’ve all contaminated one another

with a virus we don’t want rid of

but there’s no vaccine for

POWER,

the body’s electric long for

survival: not to suffer, not to feel.

~

I used to take pride in telling the time

off the top of my head

but now I beg time

to get off the top of my head.

~

To which it tells me

to get off of my head.

I just miss ending my days

on that end of the world,

but what does it say about me

that every city, everywhere

could contain my love?

Other than that it’s just as hopeless

as a horrible virus.

~

Sometimes I worry

that I’ll never be enough,

and most of all

that that’s enough

to make me no longer want to be

~

but then I get back on my feet.

~

SJL 5/6/20